Comprehensive library of 65 research-backed relationship flags. 30 red flags (warning signs) and 35 green flags (positive behaviors) categorized by communication, respect, boundaries, empathy, and more.
This library is based on research from Gottman, Charlot et al. (2023), Rodriguez et al. (2021), and attachment theory (Kural & Kovacs 2022). Use it to recognize patterns in your own relationships.
Red Flags — Warning Signs
Empathy
Lack of Empathy — Unable or unwilling to understand your feelings or perspective
Lack of Remorse — Shows no genuine guilt after hurting you
Criticism
Constant Criticism — Frequently criticizes you, your choices, or your appearance
Manipulation
Gaslighting — Makes you question your reality, memory, or sanity
Love Bombing — Overwhelming affection early on, then sudden withdrawal
Triangulation — Brings third parties into conflicts to manipulate you
Projecting Insecurities — Accuses you of behaviors they are guilty of
Future Faking — Makes promises about the future with no intention to keep them
Smear Campaigns — Spreads lies or rumors about you to others
Control
Excessive Jealousy — Unreasonably jealous or possessive behavior
Financial Control — Controls access to money or monitors spending
Need for Control — Must control all aspects of the relationship
Isolation
Isolation Attempts — Tries to separate you from friends and family
Violence
Rage Outbursts — Uncontrolled anger or disproportionate reactions
Narcissistic Rage — Explosive, disproportionate anger when criticized
Physical Violence — Uses physical force against you, including hitting, pushing, or restraining
Threat of Physical Violence — Threatens to harm you physically or uses intimidating gestures
Responsibility
No Accountability — Never takes responsibility or apologizes sincerely
Victim Mentality — Always portrays themselves as the victim
Communication
Lying — Tells lies or is dishonest about important matters
Pathological Lying — Lies frequently, even about small things
Silent Treatment — Uses withdrawal and silence as punishment
Inconsistent Behavior — Drastically different behavior in private vs. public
Stonewalling — Refuses to communicate or engage emotionally
Boundaries
Boundary Violations — Repeatedly ignores or dismisses your boundaries
Respect
Grandiosity — Exaggerated sense of self-importance
Exploitative — Takes advantage of you for personal gain
Demeaning — Belittles you in front of others
Intimacy
Excessive Sexuality — Uses sex as manipulation or shows inappropriate sexual behavior
Safety
Feeling Unsafe — You feel physically or emotionally unsafe in their presence
Threatening Behavior — Intimidating actions or words that make you feel threatened
Green Flags — Positive Behaviors
Communication
Active Listening — Truly listens and remembers what you say
Respectful Communication — Communicates calmly even during disagreements
Consistency — Behavior is predictable and stable
Good Conflict Resolution — Works toward solutions, not winning
Honesty — Truthful even when difficult
Humor — Makes you laugh without being hurtful
Compromise — Willing to meet halfway
Expresses Needs — Communicates needs clearly
Empathy
Emotional Availability — Open and present emotionally
Supportiveness — Encourages your goals and dreams
Empathy — Shows genuine care for your feelings
Patience — Shows patience during stressful times
Encourages Growth — Supports your personal development
Celebrates You — Genuinely happy about your successes
Resilience — Handles stress without taking it out on you
Forgiveness — Can forgive and move forward
Curiosity About You — Asks questions and wants to know you deeply
Responsibility
Trustworthiness — Keeps promises and is reliable
Accountability — Takes responsibility for mistakes
Financial Transparency — Open about finances and fair in sharing
Self-Awareness — Recognizes own flaws and works on them
Actions Match Words — Does what they say they will do
Admits Wrongdoing — Can say "I was wrong"
Boundaries
Healthy Boundaries — Respects your boundaries and has their own
Respects Independence — Supports your autonomy and personal space
Respects Privacy — Doesn't snoop or invade your privacy