74 research-backed relationship flags. Browse 35 red flags (warning signs) and 39 green flags (positive behaviors), each with a definition, examples, and pattern guidance. Based on Gottman, Charlot et al. (2023), Rodriguez et al. (2021), and attachment theory research.
Red Flags — Warning Signs
Lack of Empathy — Repeatedly dismisses the needs and distress you express, and does not adjust when you explain the impact. A different way of expressing emotions is not indifference
Constant Criticism — Frequently criticizes you, your choices, or your appearance
Gaslighting — Makes you question your reality, memory, or sanity
Controlling Jealousy — Monitors, restricts, or demands constant accounting out of jealousy — different from a passing feeling they handle themselves
Rage Outbursts — Anger that targets you, repeats, and creates fear — a frightening situation always matters, whatever the cause. Different from an overload meltdown, typically followed by regret and repair
Love Bombing — Overwhelming affection early on, then sudden withdrawal
No Accountability — Never takes responsibility or apologizes sincerely
Lying — Tells lies or is dishonest about important matters
Future Faking — Makes promises about the future with no intention to keep them
Intimidating Rage — Explosive anger used to intimidate, especially when challenged or criticized
Smear Campaigns — Spreads lies or rumors about you to others
Inconsistent Behavior — Unpredictability used to keep you uncertain (hot-and-cold cycles). Forgetfulness that is acknowledged and worked on is a different thing
Stonewalling — Refuses to communicate as a way to pressure you. Different from an overload shutdown, which is followed by a return and a wish to repair
Excessive Sexuality — Uses sex as manipulation or shows inappropriate sexual behavior
Physical Violence — Uses physical force against you, including hitting, pushing, or restraining
Feeling Unsafe — You feel physically or emotionally unsafe in their presence
Threatening Behavior — Intimidating actions or words that make you feel threatened
Uses Your Traits Against You — Repeatedly tells you that you misunderstand, misremember, or overreact, and uses a trait or diagnosis of yours to dismiss what you noticed
Provokes, Then Blames Your Reaction — Deliberately escalates a situation to the point of overload, then uses your reaction as proof that you are the problem
Promises and Actions Repeatedly Mismatch — What was promised and what observably happened repeatedly do not match — one mismatch is information, a repeated pattern is a signal