Record both. Write down what was promised and what observably happened, and look at whether the mismatch repeats, how it affects you, and what happens when you raise it. A single mismatch is information; a repeated pattern is a signal worth taking seriously. Flag Tracker gives you a private timeline for exactly this. You decide what it means.
Words tell you about expressed intention. Actions tell you about realized behavior, impact, and reliability. You can compare the two without guessing what the other person really meant: no app, checklist, or friend can know another person's mind, and neither can you. What you can know is what was said, what happened, how often, and what it did to you.
Memory is not a neutral recorder. Recent events feel bigger than older ones, good moments after bad ones invite you to rationalize, and when you love someone you naturally explain mismatches away, often by finding the fault in yourself. A written record counteracts all three. Research on relationship journaling suggests that writing about conflict from a structured, neutral perspective is associated with less escalation, and that seeing separate events side by side makes patterns visible that emotion obscures.
In Flag Tracker you can log red and green flags with intensity and notes, set agreements and dealbreakers, and review everything on a timeline.
People forget, get overwhelmed, and communicate differently. Forgetfulness that is acknowledged and worked on is not the same thing as promises used to keep you waiting. A shutdown under overload is not the same thing as silence used as punishment. A sensory boundary is not the same thing as affection withheld to control you. Neurodivergent traits are not abuse. What matters across all of these is impact, repetition, power, fear, how your boundaries are received, and whether repair happens. Those are the things worth recording, and the record is yours to interpret.
Flag Tracker is a private reflection tool. It does not detect abuse, predict danger, or diagnose anyone, and it is not a substitute for professional support. If you are afraid of your partner or in danger, contact local emergency services or a domestic violence helpline.
One broken promise is information. A repeated pattern of promises that never match actions, especially if raising it leads to anger or nothing changing, is worth recording and reviewing over time. You decide what it means.
No. An app can help you keep an accurate record of what you observed and how it affected you. The interpretation and the decisions are yours, ideally with support from people you trust.